Ends and Beginnings

When I arrived home to Santa Barbara I felt a little let down. The sharks were perfect. I realized when I got home that Alan would be in California for another week, working with Ralph Collier and the Shark Research Committee, and that if I didn't ask to see him, it would probably never happen. I Facebook messaged him, suggesting that he take the train to Santa Barbara from Chatsworth, where Ralph Collier lives. Alan suggested that Ralph's granddaughter, Samantha, join him on the journey. Of course, I said Yes!

Two days later I awaited the train. Alan and Samantha got off and I greeted them. I was a little nervous but hid it with humor. We got in my car and Alan looked at me from the front seat and blurted out, "Sheila, do you bleach your teeth? They are SO white!"  That made me laugh. I love people who ask real questions. I said that I had bleached my teeth in the past but not for a great while and no, my teeth weren't SO white.

We started at the Sea Center, where we touched the horn sharks and leopard sharks in the tank and took a picture in the shark cage with the White Shark photo background. I tried to interview Alan using my laptop, as I had done with many other people on the Islander the previous week, asking them questions that my students had written and permitting the answers to be directed to the kids. Alan became very shy when the camera was turned on him.

I took Alan and Samantha to lunch at the Boathouse on Hendry's Beach. I felt like this was my chance to get to know Alan, so I asked lots of questions. After we ate, I took them out on the beach to show them some of my fossils.

After our fossil walk, I suggested that we go on the Land Shark, a sightseeing bus that turned into a boat. Unfortunately, the Land Shark didn't have enough people to go out so I decided to give them my own tour.  I showed them the Presidio, the Rose Garden and we ended up at the Santa Barbara Mission with three cans of pre-mixed strawberry margaritas. We ended up just sitting on the lawn talking and laughing. I showed Alan some of my science slide shows of photos I had collected over the years, one called Celestial, one called Biological and one called Fossils, which had the fossils I had found over the years. He said, Sheila, I had no idea! I had no idea there was a woman out there like you. 

When it was time to go, we all took trips to the bathroom. Alan and I emerged first and I found myself drawn into his arms. It felt so good. It felt like home. We just stood there hugging for a few minutes. 

We made our way back to the car. Alan took my hand. I hadn't held the hand of anyone other than my husband in 18 years. 

When we arrived at the train platform, I only wanted one thing. I wanted to hold Alan close to me for the entire 15 minutes we had before their train arrived. I told him this, and he let me, even though people were looking, even though I was married, even though, even though, even though... he allowed me to hold him and kiss him and look at him with inches between us. We kissed with our lips closed. He told me he was "working class".  I didn't care, I cherished the moments we had together.

After that, The SHIT HIT THE FAN. 

I realized I was in love with a man who wasn't my husband.